Exercise Clothes: Men vs. Women

Why is it that the only available and/or acceptable fitness attire for women consists of clothing that is skin tight, teeny-tiny, mostly made of spandex-like material, and usually undergarment-like, a.k.a. lingerie-esque, "outfits" while men can just wear whatever slobby old pair of dirty saggy shorts and t-shirts they own?  HONESTLY, WHO CAME UP WITH THIS PLAN?  

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-images-women-working-out-on-weight-lifting-machine-image4806554 

Compare that to this, and please note that one of the men is actually wearing pants! Women can't even wear shirts, and he has pants on. Ugh, this is so not fair!  

http://www.corbisimages.com/stock-photo/rights-managed/42-15235505/two-young-men-working-out-in-weight

Nevermind the fact that both women are wearing bra's, did you notice the makeup and perfect hair? Seriously, what girl doesn't pull her back when she's working out? 

 http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-14506261-two-women-working-out-together.php

 Okay, so the pictures posted above are from ads, which are meant to sell the product (I know I'm running out to by the bondage wear right now) but what about the picture below? These women are playing volleyball in the Olympics and they're practically naked! 

 http://en.beijing2008.cn/news/sports/headlines/beachvolleyball/n214520716.shtml 

 Now check out what the male Olympians are wearing.

Keep in mind, this was about the best picture of the males' outfits as I could find. Funnily enough, images of the ladies attire was much more readily available than the males pics! 

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/best-beijing-vol-3-gallery-1.52919

All hope isn't lost yet ladies.  It seems as though these skimpy outfits may be a thing of the past.  Beginning this summer... bikinis are no longer required for female beach volleyball players in the Olympics.

"Bikinis no longer required for beach volleyball as chiefs green-light other outfits"

"FIVB communications director Richard Baker told the Press Association: 'The athletes have had a choice - a full body suit or the bikini - and we have now expanded that choice even further to cater for religious or cultural reasons.

'We are not trying to steer away from a particular image, or trying to steer away from the bikinis, we are just trying to expand that choice to incorporate more nations."

Of course, their reasoning is to promote more women, who may have religious or cultural barriers against wearing garments like those posted above, to participate in the sport.  Far be it for them to simply admit these "uniforms" were degrading and sexist to begin with! 

Whatever!  At least women can cover their cracks now! 

The Sleeve

The Sleeve

Well ladies, the good news with the sleeve is that the designers certainly have given us options. Albeit, they are some of the most ridiculous and annoying options I’ve ever encountered, BUT they are options all the same.  

We have the sleeveless, the one sleeve, the short sleeve, and the long sleeve… 

Sleeveless (not really a "sleeve" option, but let us explore this anyway): we have tube tops also known as hooker tops, spaghetti straps, halter tops (again not really sleeves and again mostly appropriate for hookers or the few women who happened to be blessed with perfectly perky breasts and toned arms, i.e. not me and not you).  The additional sleeveless options, that a few more of us may actually be able to partake of (because they allow for bras, typically), are the tank tops with regular straps, racer backs (of course how comfortable are those really?) and then the ever so innovative and completely nonfunctional tank tops with the built in bra (puh like those work).

Note the "hoochie mamma duck face" I made to go with my hooker top and painful-ass hooker shoes! 

We now move on to short sleeves, which you would think should be fairly self-explanatory but of course we are talking about women’s clothing here; nothing is self-explanatory. Our options include the cap sleeve (also known as the wrinkled under your armpit sleeve), the flutter sleeve which just looks stupid in any sort of wind or breeze (or any sort of movement what so ever!).  There’s also the "nice" tight fitting sleeve (long, short, or whatever), which prevents you from lifting your arms, or the loose fitting sleeve which consequently also prevents you from lifting your arms for fear of embarrassment.

 The Flutter Sleeve...Obviously this is simulated wind, but seriously can you imagine what I look like when I'm outside in windy weather? It's totally ridiculous!  

Moving on to the ¾ sleeve, which sits just below your elbow, and should be perfect for the not-too-cold-not-too-hot weather, except you can’t really bend your arm in these sleeves either.  God forbid there’s a button, ribbon or some other ornamental thing hanging off the sleeve, because you pretty much spend the day slamming your elbow on said ornamental "thing" for ten to twelve hours! And, let’s be honest, these sleeves really weren’t all that perfect for the not-too-hot-not-too-cold days.  I would rather wear a short sleeve shirt with a jacket or a long sleeve shirt, pushing the arms up if I get hot, because I promise you that wearing a jacket or coat with these "stylish" ¾ sleeve shirts is infuriating!  You will end up spending your entire day shoving one hand up your sleeve and then having to pull down the arm of your shirt that is now wrinkled and jammed up around your bicep only to concede that you will never fully get things straightened out.  Geesh why do things have to be so complicated?

 

 
The ½ sleeve, which sits just above your elbow, isn’t that uncomfortable but frankly only looks attractive on stick figures because designers usually make these sleeve types super tight, and I personally don’t like walking around with sausage links hanging off my body all day.

The full length sleeve is tricky for women who are petite because typically, the sleeves are made for the amazon woman.  Thus petite ladies usually end up having to roll or fold their sleeves up, looking like farmers in the office. Although they may save money in the winter because they probably never need to buy mittens as they would only need to unroll their sleeves, it isn't a very classy look.

Happy Anniversary, MuffinTop

Exactly one year a go on March 24, 2011, the Oxford English Dictionary announced the addition of “muffin top” to their newly revised dictionary. The first definition refers to the actual top portion of a muffin (you know, the yummy part), which was the most likely the key player in the second definition: "a protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers." In honor “muffin top's” birthday, I gathered a couple of pictures a as well as an explanation of this phenomena from Urban Dictionary for your enjoyment. And, while I understand that many of the incidents shown below are as a result of bad choices, I still blame designers for limiting our choices with low cut, super-skinny, tight-ass and ultra low-rise jeans and pants (as explained in the Urban Dictionary definition as well)! 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muffin_top

http://www.hivehealthmedia.com/warning-muffin-top-kill-you/

There is a (real) 5 step instructional video on how to avoid "muffin top"?  How about designers just making clothes that fit!

How To Avoid Muffin Top on Howcast


And she’s not even a “plus size!”

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/keelmoose/125478105/sizes/m/in/photostream/

 

“Though, the effect is more extreme with heavier females, all females, with the exception of anorexic models, can fall victim to the muffin-top disaster. The reason for this, is that the design of low-rise/hip-hugger pants, originally popular during the late 60’s and early-to-mid 70’s, defies the natural shape and contours of the average females’ body; forcing the skin and fat around her waist, back and upper buttocks to spill out over her pants and through her tiny crop-top, causing a muffin-top effect.”

  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=muffin%20top

Happy Anniversary, Muffin Top!

At Work in a Crooked Dress (and Shoeless)!

Remember the honeymoon dresses I described a few days ago?  Well, I wore one to work today as it's been unseasonably warm here in North Carolina. However, all day, I was tugging, pulling and yanking at the top half of my dress because I felt like I had a twisted towel wrapped around me.  I cannot figure out exactly whether it was my bra that was misshapen or if the dress was sewn crooked.  Either way, it doesn't matter as it was annoying and I felt like I needed a V8 all day!  Aside from the fact that my bra straps wouldn't stay put, I kept running my hands up and down my hips to make sure the seems of my dress were straight.  I really couldn't really tell what was going on; everything was just off, either the bra was slipping or the dress was crooked and for either reason I was groping, pulling and tugging all day.  I felt like a hot mess as they say!

And, yes.  That is me in my office with no shoes on!  Why you ask?  Because I had the audacity to walk more than 3 feet in my (stupid) new sandals and they gave me blisters!  Blisters between my toes no less!  I'm so glad I'm wearing a $50+ dress, a $40 bra and new sandals (can't remember how much they cost), with this as the end result: a crooked, blistered, shoeless mess!  Ugh...I don't even know why I bother sometimes. 

Jeans That Don't Fit, Piss Me Off

I was doing a little research on women's jeans and found this page http://www.eons.com/groups/topic/1537000-Jeans-That-Don-t-Fit-Piss-Me-Off-?page=1#replies

Some of my favorite comments include a woman who admits to having a boyish figure and simply resolves to wear men's jeans.  This woman actually feels lucky about because being able to wear men's jeans because they are cheaper and more durable.  She purchases her jeans for $16 at her favorite "boutique," Tractor Supply.

Another comment I loved was from "Whims."  She noted how the problem with women's clothing stems from the "standardized" sizing; 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, & 16.  I have to agree with her.  What the heck does a "6" actually mean?  Six inches?  What?  Please tell me!  Perhaps it's the number of pants you have to try on before you find a pair that you're remotely comfortable with.

Then there was a comment from “Stillblooming” who offered this tidbit of advice: “[f]or any woman size 14 and up, Lane Bryant has wonderful fitting jeans, including straight leg.”  For those of you who don’t know, Lane Bryant is a store specializing in designer plus size clothing.  In my opinion, Lane Bryant also charges about three times as much as it should for all of their clothing, half of which are made for giants!  Seriously.  Giants.  Not just plus sized women (for whom their selection is woefully limited), but women who are nine feet tall with triple E breasts and Sasquatch arms, legs and feet!

Here's a picture of all my jeans; all 21 pairs of my jeans :-) 

 And here's a picture of the three pairs that fit me! And yes, the twenty-one pairs pictured above are all the same "size."  I would have taken pictures to prove it, but I always cut the stupid tags out all my clothes because they're annoying.  They are either sticking out of your shirt or irritating or tickling your skin!  No thank you! 

 Anyway, these jeans are from several different stores and vary in style (boot cut, loose fit, straight leg, etc.), and, as such, vary, I am sure, in reasons for not fitting.  The stack on the left are all too small and the stack on the right are all too big in one way or another; could be the entirely too big, just the length (even if they're average length) and then there's a few where the waist fits fine, but the legs and butt are giant.  I just don't get it!

Tonight's feature presentation: "My Bra" starring My Boobs

Sorry for the brief hiatus ladies, but I was away on my honeymoon.  Anyway, I'm back and I'm mad!  Now don't get me wrong, the honeymoon was fabulous.  It was, as always, the clothing part that made me mad.  You see, I purchased all sorts of beautiful sun dresses and cocktails dresses, sparing no expense for this most special week, only to be, yet again, disappointed by the billion dollar garment industry.  Geesh, you'd think an industry that makes so much darn money could at least make a simple sun dress...apparently not!  My size 38D's were on display to more than just my husband for the better part of our honeymoon!  The "neck line" was so low cut, my top "roll" was practically part of the show.  I also had to bring every bra I owned so they would match each dress.  Of course, a man might ask why the undergarment has to match, but we know it's because the (stupid) straps of these dresses either don't cover your bra straps, or simply don't stay up!  At least if my bra matches, I don't look like complete trash; just trash with money or sense enough to wear a matching bra. Of course, I did have the option to wear a tank top under the dress, but then I would have had to deal with two set of straps falling down aside from the fact that layering in Mexico isn't always fun.  :-)

All that being said ladies (and gentlemen), I had a great honeymoon, and I know the locals (at least the male locasl, who were not shy in telling me so) enjoyed my being there as much as my husband and I enjoyed being there.  And, it certainly provided me with some material for my favorite hot topic.

effin girl pants

http://imgur.com/gallery/IksYm